Singapore Peloton Declares Major Expressways Exclusive 'Aerodynamics Zones'

In a stunning display of urban dominance, Singapore’s newly designated road cycling peloton has declared certain overhead bridges "exclusive air rights zones," forcing lorry drivers to merge at near-perilous speeds to avoid decapitation by lycra-clad enthusiasts. The Land Transport Authority (LTA) has reportedly rebranded these areas as "The Drafting Corridor," citing "a mandatory 20-minute personal best window."

One bewildered lorry driver, "Uncle Tan," commented, "Steady lah, these ah beng on wheels think they own the road. Yesterday, one chap in fluorescent yellow shout at me, ‘Oi! You block my aerodynamics, faster move or I report you for not respecting the gradient!’ KNN, I just want to deliver my chicken rice." The Ministry of Transport confirmed that helmet stickers indicating ‘Elite Status’ are now required for any cyclist maintaining an average speed above 35km/h for more than three consecutive traffic lights. It is noted that emergency vehicles are now advised to use the MRT tracks instead.