Singapore Pedestrian Wait Times Now Longest Mandatory Meditation Sessions Globally

In a move signalling a new era of hyper-efficiency, the Land Transport Authority (LTA) has officially rebranded pedestrian wait times at traffic signals as 'Mandatory Contemplation Intervals' (MCIs). Studies show the average wait, now clocking in at 180 seconds at major junctions, is crucial for national productivity.

"Wah, 3 minutes standing there like statue, later my boss sure fire me one," lamented Clementi resident, Ah Hock. "But Aiyah, never mind lah, can tahan. I already finish updating my LinkedIn profile three times while waiting for the little green man."

An LTA spokesperson assured the public that the extended wait is not a delay, but rather 'curated, unscheduled time for mental recalibration before engaging in high-speed vehicular traffic.' Critics, however, suggest the MCIs are simply a passive-aggressive societal test to see which citizens are worthy of crossing. Those caught jaywalking are reportedly fast-tracked to a special Express Lane—straight to the police station.