Singapore Man Accepts Death After Missing Last SMRT Train

The closing of the SMRT metal shutters remains the most efficient execution method in Singapore.

Once the final train to Pasir Ris departs, the Land Transport Authority officially considers any remaining commuters as urban legends or collateral damage.

Commuters are seen weeping at the gates, realizing their bank accounts will never recover from the impending $50 midnight surcharge from a predatory taxi driver.

"Wah lau, I run until my pants drop also cannot catch," sobbed local resident Tan Ah Kow.

"Now must sell kidney to pay for Gojek, or sleep here and wait for first train with the aunties going to wet market."

The government reminds citizens that missing the train is a personal failure akin to treason.

At least the station floor is cleaner than your future.