Singapore LTA Authorises Bayoneting Of Commuters Blocking Train Doors

To combat the national hobby of standing exactly where people need to exit, Singapore has officially legalised public bayoneting.

Commuters who plant their feet like prehistoric redwoods at the train doors will now be met with a tactical spear-charge from disgruntled office workers.

Experts believe the "I'm a Pillar" mindset is so ingrained in the local DNA that only blunt force trauma can reset the human GPS.

"I just stand here because my legs got glue is it? Why you push me? This one my grandfather road ah?" remarked 62-year-old Aunty Tan, currently causing a three-station backlog.

New LTA guidelines state that if a commuter refuses to move, they are to be treated as structural debris and discarded onto the tracks immediately.