Singapore HDB Lifts Now High-Octane Demolition Derbies For Modified PMAs

The Housing Development Board has officially surrendered all vertical transit rights to the geriatric elite and their oversized, LED-strobing chariots.

New regulations dictate that able-bodied peasants must now take the stairs or face being shunted into the lift wall by a septuagenarian going 40km/h.

These mobile tanks, often wider than the lift doors, come equipped with dual-exhaust systems and enough torque to pull a flat down.

"Eh, wait what? My scooter got turbo one leh, you move or I langgar your leg ah!" said local resident Uncle Lim while revving his engine.

LTA has confirmed that your shins are officially considered "collateral damage" in the pursuit of silver-age mobility.

"Wah lau, last time take lift is for people, now is for Optimus Prime version of Ah Ma," complained one traumatised commuter.