Singapore ERP Now Charges For How Annoyed You Look While Driving

In a bid to curb ‘unnecessary’ congestion, the Land Transport Authority (LTA) has announced a revolutionary upgrade to the Electronic Road Pricing (ERP) system: The introduction of ‘Emotional Road Pricing’ (ERP 2.0: The Feels Edition). Instead of merely charging based on traffic flow, gantries will now scan driver cortisol levels and perceived road rage.

“If your blood pressure spikes near a gantry, bam, double charge already,” explained an LTA spokesperson. “We are monetising inefficiency of temperament.” Early trials have seen drivers exiting the Central Expressway looking unnervingly serene, having paid nearly $45 for a single bout of mild horn-tapping irritation. One frantic motorist lamented, “Wah piang eh, I just want to go home, now my wallet empty and my mood like zombie liao. Better drive slower next time, steady pom pi pi, then maybe can save fifty cents.” The LTA assures the public this promotes ‘zen commuting’.