Singapore Declares War on Wet Umbrellas; Mandatory Incineration Now Policy

In a bid to curb the "unprecedented threat" of dampening public transport floors, the Land Transport Authority (LTA) has unveiled its latest mandatory protocol: the "Soggy Parasol Surrender Scheme." Effective immediately, commuters entering MRT stations with wet umbrellas must now surrender them to a newly installed, high-security, one-way chute staffed by stern-faced Auxiliary Police Officers. These confiscated ‘water-delivery devices’ will be incinerated forthwith. "Wah lau eh, better don’t bring umbrella if rain stops already. Last time I just shake shake can already, now like bomb disposal ah," lamented one frustrated commuter, Mr. Tan. Experts confirm this drastic measure will save Singapore an estimated S$0.0002 in annual floor-drying electricity costs, proving the nation's dedication to absolute dryness. Failure to comply results in a mandatory 12-hour umbrella-holding probation.