New AI Predicts You Will Die Before Reaching JB Customs

The Land Transport Authority has launched a revolutionary predictive AI that calculates exactly which stage of decomposition a driver will reach before clearing the Woodlands Checkpoint.

Dubbed "Project Purgatory," the system uses real-time data to inform motorists whether they will merely suffer a minor stroke or experience full skeletal fossilisation.

"Siao liao, the app say I will reach JB in time for my own funeral," remarked regular commuter Ah Huat, staring at a stationary sea of Peroduas.

"I only wanted cheap massage, but now I need full body autopsy also cannot get," he added, weeping into his empty Touch 'n Go card.

"Steady lah, at least I save five dollars on petrol before I pass away," noted another driver, gasping for air amidst the toxic fumes of three thousand idling engines.