LTA to Replace Traffic Lights With Remote-Controlled Sniper Nests

Singapore is introducing a "Zero-Tolerance Pedestrian Elimination" program to solve the city’s chronic jaywalking epidemic.

Forget $50 fines; the Land Transport Authority will now deploy elite snipers to neutralise anyone stepping off the kerb before the Green Man appears.

"LTA so extra one, I just want to cross only, then suddenly got red dot on my forehead sia," said local auntie Mavis Tan.

Authorities argue that the cost of a 7.62mm round is significantly lower than maintaining an overhead bridge that nobody actually uses.

"Aiyo, I run fast like lightning also cannot, the sniper uncle steady pom pi pi leh," complained one limping survivor.

The government insists this is not "murder," but rather an "accelerated vertical-to-horizontal urban transition" for kiasu pedestrians.