LTA Rebrands Peak Hour MRT Crushes As ‘Mandatory National Cuddles’

The Land Transport Authority has officially declared that personal space is a Western construct incompatible with Singapore’s limited landmass.

Commuters are now legally required to maintain a maximum distance of 0.2mm from their nearest neighbour’s moist armpit during peak hours.

This "Organic Human Jenga" initiative aims to squeeze six million people into a single carriage on the North-South Line to maximize efficiency.

"I never know my MRT brother so muscular one, his sweat taste like chicken rice leh," remarked local commuter Tan Ah Kow while pinned against a glass partition.

Authorities confirmed that failing to breathe in your fellow citizen’s exhaled carbon dioxide will be treated as an act of treason.

"Why you complain? Last time we share one bucket to shit, now share one pole only mah," noted an elderly expert.