LTA Confirms Bus Seat Patterns Specifically Engineered to Conceal Biohazards

The Land Transport Authority has admitted that the seizure-inducing patterns on public bus seats are meticulously engineered to camouflage centuries of accumulated passenger filth.

Scientists spent decades perfecting "depressing mauve" and "nauseating teal" to ensure that spilled bubble tea and commuters’ back sweat vanish instantly into the fabric’s abyss.

A spokesperson confirmed that hitting a seat releases a dust cloud capable of restarting a global pandemic.

Regular commuter Tan Ah Kow expressed admiration for the deceptive textile technology.

"Wah lau, I thought the seat was clean, but then I sit down and my pants come out wet like I pee myself, damn sianz!"

LTA suggests that if you see a stain, it is a new life form claiming sovereignty.