Yishun Residents Relieved Gunshots Are Government-Sanctioned, Not From Neighbours

The Ministry of National Development has confirmed that the "Garden City" has successfully transitioned into a Call of Duty lobby as crow-shooting operations resume.

After realizing that nicely asking 160,000 birds to stop shitting on luxury sedans didn’t work, authorities have opted for the most Singaporean solution: state-sponsored liquidation.

Residents in nine districts are advised that the sounds of gunfire are merely the government’s way of "managing nature" through industrial amounts of violence.

“Initially I thought it was another siao lang running amok in the void deck,” remarked Yishun resident Lim Kopi while ducking behind a pillar.

“Then I see it’s the gahmen shooting, so I relax lah, at least they got permit to kill things.”

NParks reminded the public that while crows are fair game, shooting your annoying, TikTok-dancing colleagues remains technically illegal for now.