World War III Behind Paywall Because SPH Needs Your $9.90

As Iranian drones effectively dismantle Western civilisation, Singaporeans remain blissfully ignorant because they refuse to pay $9.90 for a Straits Times subscription.

The national broadsheet has confirmed that while the world is technically ending, users must still log in to myST+ to view the exact coordinates of their impending doom.

Directly below the analysis of global disintegration, the website thoughtfully suggested a 50% discount on a Funko Pop Darth Vader and a Russell Taylors retro kettle.

"Walao, world ending already still want to charge money, might as well let the drone hit me," said local resident Tan Ah Kow while scrolling for a discounted handheld fan to survive the nuclear winter.

Government officials remind citizens that the apocalypse is no excuse for bypassing the paywall or failing to support local journalism.