Woman With No Taste Finally Qualifies As Straits Times Food Critic

Madam Jumidah, 66, has finally achieved the level of culinary ignorance required to write for the nation’s leading newspaper.

After a rare salivary gland cancer nuked her taste buds, doctors confirmed she can no longer distinguish between a gourmet meal and a bowl of wet cardboard.

"She's perfect for the job," said a Straits Times editor, eyeing Jumidah as she confidently gave a 5-star rating to a glass of plain tap water.

"Her ability to describe absolutely nothing with unearned authority is exactly what our food section has been missing for decades."

Jumidah is reportedly excited for her first assignment: pretending that a $300 'artisanal' laksa doesn't taste like disappointment and salt.

"I'm truly one in a million," she added, "mostly because I'm the only employee here who actually has a medical excuse for having shitty taste."