U.S. Neurologists Confirm Bubble Tea Is Bottled Cognitive Decline, You Bodoh

American scientists have finally confirmed that the "Bottled Cognitive Decline" plaguing the nation is actually just the $9 sugary sludge Sinkies queue two hours for.

While the report suggests Ginkgo Biloba for memory, most locals find that the only thing worth remembering is which Grab promo code still fucking works.

Local aunties have already debunked the "Bacopa Monnieri" research, claiming that the only "natural herb" that improves focus is a 4D jackpot over $2 million.

Health experts warn that your brain is basically a soggy fishball after decades of overtime and listening to useless management meetings.

If you actually believed a 15-second kitchen trick could fix your "mental clarity," the cognitive decline has already won, you siao lang.