Trump Vows To Speedrun Iran War Faster Than GrabFood

President Donald Trump has assured the world that his current military "side quest" in Iran is nearing completion, promising to finish the job faster than a K-pop concert sells out at the National Stadium.

The orange overlord claimed he holds all the cards, while Iran is currently playing with a deck of soggy Uno cards from a secondary school camping trip.

Trump’s primary goal is to send the regime back to the Stone Age, a period historians note is still slightly more technologically advanced than Singapore’s current ERP 2.0 system.

While he prepares to bomb energy plants to "invest in your grandchildren," local drivers are mostly just terrified that 95-unleaded will soon cost more than a literal kidney.

"We are dismantling them very systematically," Trump added, with the exact same terrifying confidence as a Sinkie SME boss promising a year-end bonus.