Trump Decides Iran War Is Too Long For His Attention Span

Donald Trump announced today that the three-week-old war with Iran is officially "winding down" because he has simply run out of patience for things that don't involve him winning a trophy.

Despite initially promising a decisive victory, the President admitted that military strategy is "way less fun than Twitter" and that the desert is "too sandy for his suits."

The US Treasury also lifted oil sanctions, essentially deciding to pay Iran for the privilege of having been bombed.

"Eh, this Trump really a legend sia," said local uncle Lim Kopi. "First he want to hantam them, now he say 'it's okay, I want your oil'. Like that also can? My wife also not so fickle-minded when choosing what to eat for lunch!"

White House officials confirmed that the President is now looking for a "smaller, more bite-sized country" to invade next.