Toa Payoh Replaces Traditional Buns With Dubious Handjobs

Residents of Toa Payoh Lorong 4 are mourning the loss of their favorite Teochew pastry shop, leaving them with nothing to eat but the "dubious" services offered by the fourteen massage parlours next door.

While Tian Confectionery cited manpower issues for the closure, the neighboring beauty salons seem to have an unlimited supply of "therapists" ready to perform manual labor for anyone with a fifty-dollar note.

“It’s a tragedy that we are losing the heritage taste of handmade buns,” said one resident while being aggressively solicited by a woman in a neon-lit doorway.

The bakery owner refuses to let anyone else touch his secret recipe, a stark contrast to his neighbors who invite the entire neighborhood to sample their local delights.

Toa Payoh residents must now accept a reality where the only things getting kneaded in the estate are no longer edible.