Tiger Beer Uncages Staff Directly Into Fucking Unemployment

Asia Pacific Breweries Singapore (APBS) has officially begun uncaging its employees directly into the nearest unemployment line.

The brewer blamed the retrenchments on a "challenging market," which is corporate speak for "you lot are too busy injecting Ozempic to develop proper liver cirrhosis."

Management noted that it is increasingly difficult to sell overpriced lager when the national pastime has shifted from binge-drinking at coffee shops to obsessively checking calorie counts on Pilates apps.

"Wah lau, first time I hear people lose job because Singaporeans want to have six-pack," complained one disgruntled fermenter. "Next time don’t come cry to me when your plain water cost five dollars at the club, chee bye."

Heineken remains hopeful that a looming economic recession will eventually force citizens to resume their traditional role of drinking until they forget their lives.