Squeeze Me Machine Adds "Sweaty Palm" To Premium Topping Menu

Local busybody "Pathfinder" is seeking psychiatric help after witnessing a Squeeze Me worker refilling apples with his bare, uncircumcised hands.

"I thought this juice was untouched by sinful human flesh," Pathfinder told Stomp while vibrating with middle-class rage.

"Now I realize I’ve been paying four fucking dollars for a cocktail of worker sweat and whatever the uncle scratched before his shift."

Beaver Energy promised to investigate if the worker’s palm grease adds too much unauthorized seasoning to the juice.

SFA reminds Singaporeans that a little finger-funk is tradition, and if they wanted real hygiene, they shouldn't buy fruit from a metal box in Joo Chiat.