SPF Rules Out Foul Play Since Living In Yishun Is Enough

The Singapore Police Force confirmed that a 61-year-old woman was found motionless at the foot of a Yishun block, finally achieving the sweet silence that only a total lack of pulse can provide.

While investigators officially ruled out external foul play, experts suggest that being assigned a flat in the North is technically a pre-existing terminal condition.

"If you woke up every day facing the Yishun Ring Road, you’d also consider taking a 12-storey shortcut to the afterlife," noted one neighbor.

Authorities reassured the public that Yishun remains perfectly safe, provided you don't mind the neighborhood’s tradition of residents spontaneously testing their own terminal velocity.

At least she finally found a way to stop paying her monthly phone bill.