SPC Rebrands Petrol Kiosks As High-End Luxury Boutiques

Following the 13th consecutive day of fuel price hikes, SPC has announced that their petrol kiosks will now feature valet parking and complimentary caviar to match their "Haute Couture" pricing.

Diesel, once the humble fuel of choice for sweaty lorry drivers, has officially surpassed the market value of high-grade wagyu beef and premium bird’s nest.

"Wah lau eh, now I pump diesel also must wear tuxedo is it?" asked local delivery driver Ah Hock while weeping into his empty wallet.

Economic analysts suggest that by next week, a full tank of 95-octane will be legally accepted as a down payment for a Sentosa Cove bungalow.

"If you can afford to even look at the pump, you are basically the next Li Ka-shing to us," whispered an SPC spokesperson.