SP Students Design “Talk Tubes” To Streamline Primary School Gossip

Singapore Polytechnic students have finally fixed our education system by designing "Talk Tubes"—literally just pipes—so primary schoolers can efficiently talk shit about each other from across the playground.

The Ministry of Education is reportedly "assessing" the concept, eager to ensure eight-year-olds are adequately prepared for a lifetime of toxic office politics and anonymous HR complaints.

The redesign also includes blue classrooms to chemically lobotomise hyperactive children into a state of compliant focus.

Meanwhile, in Jurong, a new boardwalk will allow the public to watch hornbills "witness industrialisation," which is polite architect-speak for "watching their habitat get murdered by the Cross Island Line."

URA officials praised the "fresh perspectives" while preparing to toss the scale models into the nearest industrial incinerator.