Sinkies Suffer Spontaneous Orgasm Viewing Multi-Million Dollar Oscar Watches

The 98th Academy Awards has triggered a nationwide medical emergency in Singapore as locals collectively suffered from “Rolex-Induced Priapism” while scrolling through red-carpet photos.

As a Canadian businessman double-wristed a Cartier Crash and a ruby-set Rolex, Singaporean men reportedly began “flexing” so hard their veins turned into structural hazards.

The sight of a diamond-paved Lady-Datejust on a popular actress caused one local bank teller to faint from pure, unadulterated envy.

“Walau, that watch dial got more sparkle than my entire career prospects,” remarked one bystander while weeping into his kopi-o.

“I see the price already my heart pain, but my hand still want to scroll for more!”

Medical professionals advise Sinkies to stop staring at things they’ll never afford before their souls permanently depart their bodies.