Sinkies Prepare To Queue Six Hours For Purple Yam Water

As South Korea officially declares matcha "passé," local trend-slaves are frantically binning their green tea powders to embrace ube, the latest aesthetic tuber.

A local barista confirmed that if a drink isn't the colour of a bruised eyelid, it is now considered undrinkable poverty swill.

One office worker, currently camping outside a mall for a $14 latte, said: "Oei, if South Korea say purple is the new black, I follow lor! Matcha very old liao, now must drink yam until my heart also purple then got standard."

Singaporeans are expected to conveniently ignore that ube is just a basic regional yam, preferring to believe each purple drop was personally squeezed from a K-pop idol's sweaty gym socks.