Sinkies Jealous Malaysian Guards Use Real Bullets Not Torches

A man in Petaling Jaya was recently promoted to "corpse" after bringing a kitchen knife to a high-velocity lead encounter at a local goldsmith.

While the robber was busy leaking onto the pavement, Singaporeans expressed deep envy that Malaysian security guards are allowed to use something more lethal than a pointed finger.

Local residents, accustomed to guards who are mostly geriatric men napping on plastic chairs, were shocked to see firearms actually being discharged in public.

"Wah lau, over there the guard really shoot for real one ah?" noted one local witness.

"Sibei efficient sia, no need waste time go court, just send straight to hell can already."

Clearly, the robber’s biggest mistake was assuming the 3.5 exchange rate applied to his survival chances.