Sinkies Demand ICA Install ‘Peasant Scanners’ To Detect Incoming Malaysian Germs

Average Singaporeans are spiraling into a kiasi frenzy after realizing the only thing cheaper in Malaysia than petrol is a localized case of the 19th-century "Poor Man’s Cough."

Concerns are mounting that the 3.5 exchange rate now includes a complimentary Victorian-era lung infection for every illicit tank of Ron 95.

Dedicated bargain hunters are currently calculating if saving forty cents on Grade A eggs is worth spending six months coughing up blood like a Dickensian chimney sweep.

One Bukit Timah socialite suggested the ICA should install "Peasant Scanners" at Tuas to filter out anyone returning with a cough that sounds too "budget-friendly."

Public health experts note that while Singapore’s TB cases are falling, the risk of catching a "vintage throwback" remains high for anyone crossing the bridge for a ten-dollar massage.

Ultimately, most Sinkies agree that if you’re going to die of a disease, it should at least be an expensive, modern one.