Sinkies Advised To Run On 'Resilience' As Petrol Prices Soar

As the Strait of Hormuz stays shut, petrol prices have officially transitioned from "expensive" to "selling-my-firstborn" levels.

The government has reassured the public that Singapore remains a world-class refining powerhouse, which is great news if you happen to be a giant industrial furnace.

For everyone else, authorities suggest tapping into our national reserves of "Resilience" and "Tenacity" to power your morning commute.

One official noted that if you can’t afford $15 per litre, you should simply "innovate" by walking to work while carrying your car on your back.

Grab has since launched "Grab-Push," a budget-friendly option where the driver steers while the passenger provides the fucking horsepower.

At least those pre-scheduled U-Save vouchers will help pay for the torchlight you’ll need to find your way to the bus stop in the dark.