Sinkie Fucking Furious World War III Making Grab Surcharge $45

As the USS Abraham Lincoln strike group prepares for total maritime annihilation, local Singaporeans are reportedly "fucking triggered" that the global energy crunch is making their morning Grab ride cost more than a kidney transplant.

While Iran’s parliament speaker promises to "set American soldiers on fire," 32-year-old analyst Kelvin Teo expressed deeper trauma over the fact that his Shopee delivery from Shenzhen might be delayed by three business days.

"Lanjiao lah, the Middle East is burning but my $2 bubble tea straw is stuck in the Suez Canal, who is going to compensate me?" asked a disgruntled commuter while doom-scrolling through Telegram.

Authorities have since warned locals not to design "suspicious coffee cups" featuring empty chairs, as looking like you have no friends is already a punishable offense against national productivity.

The Ministry has reassured the public that while the apocalypse is imminent, the most important thing is that the ERP gantries remain fully operational until the very second of impact.