Singtel Assures Singaporeans Today’s Failure Is A Fresh New Hell

Singtel has helpfully clarified that the current wave of digital paralysis is a bespoke, artisanal failure completely independent of yesterday’s eight-hour clusterfuck.

While customers complained of being cast back into the Stone Age for the second time in 24 hours, a corporate spokesperson explained that yesterday’s collapse was a "Standard Systemic Meltdown," whereas today’s lack of signal is a "Premium Boutique Glitch."

Management insists that experiencing two unrelated disasters in two days is actually a sign of technical diversity.

One affected worker was seen weeping into a dead handset at a bus stop.

"Yesterday no data, today no signal, tomorrow what, no signal from heaven ah?" the victim screamed.

"Singtel service is like my ex-boyfriend, everyday got new excuse but still cannot perform!"