Singpass Integration Allows Government To Cockblock Entire Nation

The Singapore government has officially launched its nationwide cockblocking initiative by requiring a full facial scan just to download a goddamn dating app.

Starting April, if your face has more craters than the moon, IMDA’s new algorithm will automatically assume you’re a horny 15-year-old and block everything except calculator apps.

Google is also helping by sniffing through your search history to see if you’re looking for "hot babes" or just "how to pass O-Levels."

Lim peh thinks it’s hilarious that you need to hand over your NRIC and credit card details just to prove you aren't a minor to a soulless algorithm.

Privacy is a myth, but at least now the gahmen knows exactly which filter you use to hide your puberty pimples.