Singapore’s ACS Independent Fees Now Payable Only In Human Organs

Anglo-Chinese School (Independent) has announced a fee hike that officially places its tuition slightly above the cost of a private jet.

Starting next term, parents must trade their first-born’s inheritance and a pristine liver for a chance at a mid-tier IB score.

The board justified the increase, stating that the rugby pavilion air-conditioning now runs exclusively on liquid diamonds.

“Wah lau, my son’s education now more expensive than my Bentley,” remarked local parent, Mr. Tan.

“But never mind lah, as long as he don’t end up in a neighbourhood school with the peasants, I sell my second kidney also can.”

The school canteen has since replaced fishball noodles with gold-plated caviar and the bottled tears of underachievers.

Critics argue the fees are elitist, but the school insists that true character is built by spending more money than God.