Singaporeans to receive free audits for their disgusting water habits

The national water agency has launched a bold initiative to ensure the most hydrated residents of public housing are thoroughly shamed for their decadent lifestyle choices.

Under the SG Water Saver Programme, officials will enter homes to determine if that “leak” is a faulty pipe or just a resident crying about their life while taking a forty-minute shower.

Selected households will receive free repairs, finally allowing the government to see exactly how many litres of water it takes to wash away the stench of failure.

“Wah lau, free audit means they coming to check if I pee in the shower or what?” one worker remarked.

“Every time I flush twice, I feel like a criminal already, now they want to watch also.”