Singaporeans Require Bank Guarantees To Buy Single Geylang Burger

The Geylang Bazaar has successfully transitioned from a community market into an exclusive high-stakes auction for the nation’s elite.

Financial analysts confirm that a single stick of mystery meat now holds more market value than the entire Malaysian Ringgit.

Middle-class families were spotted weeping into their $16 "potato spuds," which are essentially just supermarket tubers with a marketing degree and a dream.

"Wah lau, fifty dollar only can buy one burger and mango water, I think I stay home eat grass better," complained local student, Shawn Tan, while liquidating his savings for a blue latte.

"Next time I come here I must bring my parents' house deeds just to buy one kebab," he added.

Organisers noted that the price hikes ensure only the most prestigious Sinkies can afford the privilege of standing in a humid tent for four hours.