Singaporeans Refuse To Breed Unless Child Is Born A CEO

Singaporeans have officially suspended all reproductive activities until they can guarantee their unborn foetuses a starting salary of $20,000 and a lifetime membership at a prestigious golf club.

Following online revelations that "perfect lives" are the new minimum requirement for parenting, local couples are now vetting potential embryos for their ability to master hedge fund management before weaning.

"Aiya, if my baby cannot speak Mandarin, French, and Coding by six months, don't bother lah," remarked one prospective parent.

"Now very competitive one hor, if don't have five-star life from day one, later the child grow up and sue me for being middle-class, then how?"

Experts suggest the birth rate will remain at zero until every newborn is issued a personal butler and a guaranteed internship at Goldman Sachs.