Singaporeans Mistakenly Believe New BTS Album Will Fill Void

Following the release of BTS’s “mature” new album Arirang, millions of Singaporeans have reportedly abandoned their actual personalities to adopt whatever identity RM tells them to have this week.

The Straits Times heralded the 14-track record as a "growth-oriented masterpiece," which is local code for “we don't understand the lyrics but the boys look expensive.”

Critics note the album's Americanised sound allows local fans to hallucinate that they live in a Hollywood penthouse rather than a humid, windowless cubicle.

"Wah lau, the depth is damn real sia," claimed 34-year-old fan, Jancy Koh.

"Last time they sing about butter, now they sing about 'swimming'—it's very artistic, like my life also got meaning now, even though I still single and stay with my mother."