Singaporean Women Lobby For National Ban On High-Pitched Mandarin Accents

Local Singaporean women have officially petitioned the government to designate "soft, feminine voices" as a domestic biological weapon.

This movement follows a surge in local husbands being "spiritually kidnapped" by the siren calls of Vietnamese beer girls and PRC KTV hostesses.

"Aiyoh, my husband see them only, his brain melt like ice cream," said local wife, Mrs. Tan.

"They speak so sweet like honey, but my one sound like construction site at Jurong East," she added while scowling.

Proactive wives are now demanding that all foreign females be legally required to communicate exclusively in the gravelly voice of a 60-year-old Geylang coffee shop uncle.

"Must make them sound like 'Oi, brother, kopi-o one!', then my husband confirm won't run away," noted another concerned female patriot.

Experts suggested that local women could try "smiling" to compete, but the proposal was immediately dismissed as a hate crime.