Singaporean Girls Officially Declare Liver Failure The Newest Beauty Trend

The Ministry of Health has reclassified "Ladies' Night" as a biological hazard after a surge in high-heeled casualties across Clarke Quay.

Researchers discovered the average Singaporean female survives purely on a diet of garnishing olives and diluted vodka for six hours straight.

These nocturnal predators travel in packs, communicating through high-pitched shrieks that can shatter the windshields of passing Maseratis.

"Wah lau, $35 for one tiny Lychee Martini is standard market rate what," said 24-year-old influencer Crystal Lim while vibrating from audacity.

"If I never post the sparkler bottle on my IG Story, then my whole night is basically one big waste of makeup, lah."

Despite the threat of liver failure, the thirst for "complimentary entry" remains stronger than any known survival instinct.

The government is installing safety nets at Marquee to catch girls who mistake the rotating Ferris wheel for a valid personality trait.