Singapore Woman Hits 30, Automatically Reclassified As Expired Produce

The Ministry of Social and Family Development has officially designated any Singaporean woman over thirty without a wedding ring as “expired livestock.”

Under the new “Unclaimed Goods” Act, these females must wear yellow hazard tape to warn potential suitors of their rapidly deteriorating eggs.

Sociologists suggest that a university degree and a high-flying corporate career act as natural repellents, much like Citronella for mosquitoes.

Local busybody, Auntie Bee Lian, expressed her profound disgust while queuing for discount sea bass.

“Aiyoh, thirty-one already still no husband, better just go Jurong Island and jump, don't waste space lah,” she remarked.

Scientists confirm that after thirty-two, a Singaporean woman’s womb begins to grow thick cobwebs and small, judgmental ghosts.

These “leftover” females are now eligible for a 50% discount at NTUC FairPrice, provided they sit in the clearance aisle next to the bruised papayas.