Singapore Woman Blames Recent Hit-And-Run On Mercury Retrograde

Local woman Cheryl Tan has successfully avoided all personal accountability for her atrocious behavior by citing the movement of distant gas giants.

The 24-year-old marketing executive recently ghosted her entire family and threw a hot kopi-o at a toddler, claiming her "Big Three" made her do it.

"I cannot help it what, my Rising is in Gemini so my mood always swing like Jurong Bird Park ride," Cheryl explained while vibrating with unearned confidence.

Experts suggest that for the average Singaporean female, a birth chart functions as a legally binding excuse for being a massive prick.

"Last night I langgar the Mercedes because Mars was square my house, so actually is the universe fault, not mine," she added.

Cheryl is currently looking for a partner, though she noted that any man born in August is essentially a biological error.