Singapore Toddler Disowned After Failing Calculus During Ultrasound

The Ministry of Education has officially classified "childhood" as a logistical error in the pursuit of national productivity.

New guidelines mandate that foetuses must complete a minimum of four assessment books before their second trimester.

Local mother, Mrs. Koh, was spotted screaming at her own abdomen through a high-powered megaphone.

"Boy ah, you better get AL1 for Mathematics or I ask the doctor to sew you back inside, I tell you!" she shrieked.

Primary schools have replaced playgrounds with "Stress Tolerance Chambers" to simulate the crushing weight of a mid-life crisis.

One seven-year-old was reportedly caned for only achieving a 99.5% average, a score traditionally reserved for failures.

"My daughter study 20 hours a day, still not enough hor," commented local kiasu champion, Mr. Teo.

"If she got time to sleep, she got time to do one more Ten-Year-Series lah!"