Singapore Socialites Traumatized After Local Woman Admits Orgasms Are Elaborate Myth

By Sarah Lim.

The Sentosa socialite scene was plunged into a state of catatonic shock this Saturday during an "unfiltered" cocktail party.

What began as a standard evening of judging guests’ botched Botox quickly devolved into a nightmare of radical honesty.

Hostess Cheryl Tan reportedly dropped a "truth bomb" so explosive it made the 1997 financial crisis look like a minor accounting error.

She confessed to a room of horrified onlookers that she has been faking her orgasms since the reign of Goh Chok Tong.

"Wah lau, I thought she was shouting because she happy, but actually she just wanted me to finish fast-fast so she can go Shopee," her husband, Marcus, sobbed into his 50-year-old Macallan.

Experts suggest this level of transparency is "dangerous" for the national psyche.

"Liddat no can one, if everyone talk true-true, the whole country will stop making baby because the truth is too shag," noted relationship expert Dr. See Toh.

"It's just one big Wayang show, but usually we have the decency to keep the mask on," another guest whispered.

The party ended when another guest admitted her husband’s "alpha male" crypto-trading persona was "physically and metaphorically flaccid."