Singapore Security Uncle Declares Sovereign State At Condo Guardhouse

A security guard at "The Prestige" has successfully transitioned from a bored retiree into a full-blown authoritarian dictator.

Uncle Tan, 68, now requires all residents to perform a tactical roll and state their blood type before the boom gate ascends.

"You think this one playground ah? Scan card properly or I deport you back to HDB!" Tan screamed at a passing toddler.

Tan, whose uniform features more unearned medals than a North Korean general, has reportedly started interrogating delivery riders with a high-intensity desk lamp.

"Last time I only corporal in National Service, now I am the Law of the Lobby," he noted while aggressively polishing a plastic baton.

Management remains silent, fearing Tan will revoke their lift access and force them to climb 40 floors as 'disciplinary training'.

"Eh hello, your car park for five minute only, you want me lock your wheel and throw key in longkang is it?"

Residents have begun leaving offerings of Tiger Beer to appease the gatekeeping deity.