Singapore Replaces Giant Pandas With Costumed Sun Bears To Save On Imported Bamboo.

In a shocking admission, the National Parks Board (NParks) today confirmed that the much-hyped ‘Giant Panda Sanctuary’ slated for the newly reclaimed land off Jurong Island is actually just several highly disgruntled Sun Bears wearing oversized black-and-white foam costumes. “We tried to source actual pandas, but the import duties and their ‘enrichment’ demands were too high,” admitted a source. The supposed 'bamboo' diet is, in reality, overpriced artisanal celery sticks flown in weekly. A zoo patron, Uncle Tan, was overheard grumbling, “*Wah lau eh*, even the pandas damn kiasu, want to eat imported rubbish. I tell you ah, this whole thing more fake than my secondary school report card.” NParks has defended the move, citing "optimal carbon footprint management."