Singapore Renamed ‘Southern Mala Province’ Following Total Haidilao Annexation

The Singapore government has officially surrendered all sovereignty to the People’s Republic of Numb-Spice.

Following the 4,000th Mala Xiang Guo stall opening in Clementi, the national anthem will now be performed via a choreographed Haidilao noodle dance.

Health officials confirm that 98% of the population's blood now consists of spicy beef tallow and high-grade MSG.

"Liao is life, but my backside is dying, sia," said local victim Tan Ah Kow while weeping into a vat of 'Da La' oil.

"Last time eat chicken rice, now every day eat grilled fish until I can talk to ancestors through the toilet bowl."

The Merlion will stop spitting water and start projectile vomiting numbing peppercorns into Marina Bay by 2025.

The Ministry of Education has replaced Mother Tongue classes with 'Proper Pronunciation of Suan La Fen.'

"My tongue so numb I cannot even say 'Kopi-O' anymore, only can say 'La Zi Ji' lor," lamented one elderly uncle.