Singapore Parks Overrun By Invasive Species Of Slow-Moving Silk-Clad Geriatrics

NParks has officially classified local Tai Chi groups as a "persistent invasive species" currently choking the ecosystem of Singapore’s botanic gardens.

These silken-clad predators move so slowly that joggers frequently mistake them for decorative topiary, only to be struck by a lethargic "Parting the Wild Horse’s Mane."

Researchers claim their primary defense mechanism is the emission of high-decibel, distorted flute music from 1980s portable speakers.

"Wah lau, last time one uncle do ‘Cloud Hands’ and accidentally poke my eye, but it took three minutes to land, so I just let him," said witness Lim Ah Seng.

Wildlife experts recommend avoiding eye contact, as the scent of Tiger Balm signals extreme territorial aggression.