Singapore Parents ‘Revenge Spend’ On Tuition To Spite Failing Neighbors

Singaporean parents have pivoted from luxury handbags to "revenge spending" on elite tuition packages designed to emotionally liquidate their toddlers.

The Ministry of Education reported a 500% surge in families purchasing "Quantum Mechanics for Fetuses" luxury seminars.

One local mother, Mrs. Lim, spent $80,000 on a tutor whose primary qualification is making primary schoolers feel like utter failures.

"My son only get A2, I so sian already, must spend big money to fix his useless face," Mrs. Lim remarked while snorting powdered assessment books.

"Now he study 24 hours until his eyeball drop out, then he know what is success!"

Analysts confirm this spending spree ensures the next generation will finally be rich enough to pay for their own inevitable lobotomies.