Singapore Outlaws Physical Cash After Discovering Poor People Still Use It

Singapore’s ‘Smart Nation’ initiative has reached its final, most psychotic stage: the total eradication of physical currency. The Monetary Authority has officially classified the ten-dollar note as a ‘Class A Biohazard,’ punishable by three years of mandatory TikTok dancing in a public plaza.

Citizens are now legally required to scan their retinas just to purchase a single tissue paper from a millionaire cardboard collector. However, the transition hasn't been seamless. Local residents now face the terrifying reality of ‘Digital Starvation’ whenever the 5G signal drops near a Laksa stall.

“Wah lau, I stand there five minutes wait for the app to load, the auntie behind me start scolding my mother,” lamented victim Tan Ah Kow. “Now my phone battery zero percent, I cannot even enter the toilet because the gantry only take PayLah. I almost lao sai in my pants, sibeh jialat! Last time cash is king, now I am just a peasant with no battery.”