Singapore NS Encik’s Scolding Declared Deadliest Weapon In National Service

The Ministry of Defence has officially classified the "Encik Scolding" as a weapon of mass destruction.

Scientists discovered that a Warrant Officer’s high-decibel roar can liquefy a recruit's internal organs from fifty paces.

During a routine turnout, Master Warrant Officer Tan’s "Your grandmother can run faster!" blast shattered local seismic sensors.

"I tell you ah, my roar can make the Tekong ghost also sign extra," bragged MWO Tan while polishing his pace stick.

"Whole lot of you blur like sotong, I scold until your mother also feel the pain!"

Medical experts confirm that being called a "strawberry" at 140 decibels causes permanent testicular retraction in most combat-fit personnel.

The SAF plans to deploy these vocal cords to the border to repel invaders through sheer, unadulterated shame.

"You think this one your father's army ah? Knock it down!" Tan added, causing three recruits to spontaneously combust.