Singapore National Service Under Threat from NSF’s Hideous ‘Korean Oppa’ ORD Haircut

The Ministry of Defence has raised the national security alert to ‘Severe’ after CPL Tan’s ORD haircut was officially classified as a visual biohazard. After 730 days of looking like a polished bowling ball, Tan attempted a “Wolf Cut” to reclaim his virility, resulting in an aesthetic catastrophe described by his CO as “a wet mop that died of clinical depression.”

“Eh, I tell you ah, my Encik see already want to vomit blood,” Tan whispered, frantically pinning back a fringe that violated every SAF standing order known to man. “He say I look like one siao kia mushroom. But ORD loh, who cares? My discipline gone already, now only care about chio bu at Clarke Quay. Knn, let it grow lah!”

Experts warn that the sudden influx of NSFs with peroxide-bleached “Edgar” cuts poses a greater threat to Singapore’s sovereignty than any foreign invasion, primarily because the enemy will be too busy laughing to aim their weapons straight.